OLD WRITING PART 5

Salam Pembaca yang dimuliakan, moga Anda berada di bawah Limbungan Rahmah-Nya.

Saya sangat-sangat marah hari ini, bangun pagi saja sudah dikejutkan dengan berita yang membuatkan darah saya mendidih-didih, menyala-nyala api kemarahan saya. Saya tahu larangan Rasulullah SAW itu:

“Sesungguhnya marah itu bara api yang dapat membakar lambung anak Adam. Ingatlah bahwa sebaik-baik orang adalah orang yang melambatkan (menahan) amarah dan mempercepat keridhaan dan sejelek-jelek orang adalah orang yang mempercepat amarah dan melambatkan ridha” (HR. Ahmad dari Abu Sa’id al-Khudriy).

Saya juga tahu larangan dari Sang Pengasih itu:

“Dan bersegeralah menuju ampunan Allah yang memiliki surga yang luasnya seluas langit dan bumi yang dijanjikan untuk orang-orang yang bertakwa, yaitu orang-orang yang menafkahkan hartanya baik di waktu lapang maupun di waktu sempit. Dan orang-orang yang menahan amarahnya dan memaafkan (kesalahan) orang, Allah menyukai orang-orang yang berbuat kebajikan”. (Ali-Imran : 133-134)

Tapi! Saya sangat-sangat marah! Saya sangat marah dengan tindakan kerajaan MALAYSIA yang mengamalkan dasar Islam Hadhari ini, yang menaikkan harga petrol sebanyak 40.6%, dan diesel 58.2%. Tangan saya menggeletar-geletar semasa menulis entri ini.

Sepanjang perjalanan kaki ke sekolah, hati saya menggelegak, badan saya menggeletar dan muka saya memerah. Atas apa jua alasan untuk menaikkan harga bahan asas ini, tidak logik. Saya tidak mahu menulis panjang lebar dari segi ekonomi, cukup lah saya beri satu analogi ini.

Mahu tahu kenapa harga beras meningkat? Banyak faktor-faktor nya, antaranya permintaan semakin mendadak naik (read – manusia makan melebihi kadar). Tetapi antara hidden factor ialah Kerajaan Thailand(dimana Negara ini adalah pengeluar beras terbesar didunia) dan Kerajaan India telah mengharamkan export beras ke Negara-negara lain. Tindakan ini diikuti oleh kerajaan lain seperti China,Egypt,Vietnam dan Cambodia. Kenapa mereka mengharamkan penjualan beras kepada Negara-negara lain? Kerana beras sendiri tak cukup untuk rakyat mereka, toksah nak ngada2 jual kat Negara lain. Pada pelajar yang pernah mengambil subjek ekonomi, situasi ini sangat senang untuk difahami. Apabila beras kurang (less supply), harga akan naik (price will increase).

Setengah-setengah manusia berpendapat elok lah jual petroleum kat Negara luar, sebab petroleum kita high quality, so kita dapat untung juta-juta…owhh silap…berbilion-bilion, nanti duit itu boleh guna untuk menda lain…owh…aper ya Negara buat dengan duit itu? (nada kasar sedikit perenggan ini)

Ikut lah contoh cerita beras tadi.

Saya mahu bertaruh dengan sepenuh jiwa rasa saya, seluruh diri saya, dan seluruh harta saya, bahawa kadar jenayah akan naik. Tidak perlu kajian ilmiah mengapa kadar jenayah (crime rates) sangat tinggi di Negara kita, kerana semua orang maklum, kemiskinan dan kefakiran akan menyebabkan kekufuran (feel free to interpret this quote).

Dimana economists lain? Mati agaknya. Mati jiwa dan roh nya. Harga diri dan kemanusian nya.

Tetapi, semasa berjalan pulang ke kolej, tiba-tiba saya berjumpa rakan baru, bunga pink, light pink. Owhhhh, sangat-sangat cantik! Dan saya jua bertemu bunga biru, bunga ungu, bunga putih, dan bunga kuning. Dan saya mengerti, jangan bersedih Nur, jangan Marah, kerana saya masih mempunyai kekuatan paling utuh di jagat raya, iaitu du’a. Saya punya Tuhan yang bersifat Al-Hasiib - Yang Memiliki Mutlak sifat, Maha Membuat Perhitungan. Saya tahu, seluruh zarah-zarah, atom-atom, seluruh makhluk di langit dan di bumi (kenal kah anda pada mereka?) ini akan turut mengaminkan du’a orang-orang yang teraniaya.

Termasuk lah rakan baru saya itu!

OLD WRITING PART 4

Saya menunggu keajaiban lagi. Meskipun du’a saya tidak ada magis nya, saya yakin du’a orang-orang yang saya cintai dan hormati itu tiada hijabnya. Especially kamu. Ya Kamu. Ayuh. Du’a sahaja. Kerana menifestasi kun fayakun itu sudah lama diajar pada saya. Saya disini, menanti dan menanti, biar air mata saya melimpah ruah di setiap sujud, biar hati saya pedih menahan api kemarahan hingga sakitnya menusuk di lubuk paling dalam, biar perasaanhopeless ini sangat memalukan saya, ya! Ayuh! Du’a sahaja!

Dan Aku menanti Janji-Mu Tuhan ku, kerana Engkau, Ku tahu, dari sifat-sifat-Mu, yang tidak akan mungkin memungkiri janji.

OLD WRITING PART 3

Bismillahhir-Rahman nir-Rahim

Assalamualaikum pembaca yang dimuliakan, moga-moga anda berada dalam keadaan yang ceria.

Saya mahu membetulkan entri DATING saya itu. Ramai pulak bertanya. Saudara-saudari, itu semua fiction semata-mata. Tidak pernah pulok saya berdating dengan mat-mat salleh ini, rambut blond mahupun red, blue eyes or green. Saya cuma menggunakan metafora itu untuk memperli theory-theory yang saya perlu baca. Semua nama-nama yang saya tulis itu, adalah pengasas teori tersebut. Pasti nya sudah mati. (Kak, aku tidak boleh menulis dalam bentuk satirical jawap nyer kalau begini!)

Maka, jangan salah erti ya?

Mana mungkin saya keluar dating disini. Dan kamu, jangan keluar dating. Ngerti?

Ah, lama juga tidak menulis.

Partly because I’m so busy with my thinking and lost in my thoughts. I’m not a brilliant student compare with my contemporaries. I have to read and read and read…and then sit down and think. Think and think. Until I understand. I can understand better when it is accompanied by graphs. So, when I read the theory, without a graph, phewwwww, it makes my head spins. I become stuck with my readings, because I CANT picture it. I couldn’t understand the theory of growth, for example, if they just explain it by words. I need the graphs. How the aggregate demand and aggregate supply shift. How unemployment happens.

Ahh, this is not what I intend to write.

Apa yang sebenar nya saya mahu tulis adalah berkenaan dengan simpai keramat. Mati-mati saya ingat dia adalah sejenis kuih koci, tetapi bukan rupa nya. Sahabat saya yang nakal itu memberitau definasi perkataan ini hingga mati2 jua saya percaya kata-kata dia. Tetapi…sebenarnya simpai keramat adalah – guess – saya mahu kamu cari sendiri.

Kita akan jadi simpai keramat akhirnya. Moga-moga Al-Baari’ tidak uji saya dengan ujian ini. Kerana saya cengeng. Cengeng sekalik. Moga-moga kamu, simpai keramat, dilindungi AL-Fattaah. Di tunjuki Al-Qaabidh. Di pelihara Al-Mu’izz. Dikasihi Al-Hakam. Dimuliakan Al-Muqiit. Dirahmati Al-Haqq. Diberkati Al-Mushii. Dilindungi Al-Hayyu. Dididik Al-Qayyuum. Didakapi Al-Muqtadir. Dinaungi Al-Afuww. Di angkat nama mu dikalangan malaikat-malaikat dan bidadari syurga, serta makhluk-makhluk di langit serta dibumi. Moga du’a-du’a kami yang tiada magis ini, jadi magis bila mana mengenai kamu.

Kerana gue tau, kamu, simpai keramat, sangat dicintai Ar-Rahim. Tidak mungkin Ar-Rahman meninggal kamu bersendirian. Agak cemburu, kerana pastinya kasih Allah swt melimpah-limpah untuk kamu.

Sahabat saya itu berkata, simpai keramat itu adalah anugerah. Yang membuat kamu tinggal hanya satu pergantungan – iaitu tali yang Maha Kuat. Moga kamu setiap malam berjumpa dan dibelai Bonda Zainab r.a dan Khadijah r.a..atau sahaja Fatimah r.a. – lucid dreaming. Saya du’akan.

OLD WRITING PART 2

PUZZLE II

Apa kene nya hari ini. Mahu menulis sahaja. Penat rasanya mentelaah labour market. Walaupun ku tahu aku belum lagi memasuki fasa yang paling mencabar dalam hidup ku lagi.

This is an entry that will be written in two languages, because there is a certain time that I’m better expressing myself in other language. To write in Chinese or Arabic is out of question. I just know few words, unlike my friend. And the other one knows German, sometimes, she will speak in German and we will have a laugh after that. I miss her. I miss them.

To write in jawa language is also out of question. How regret I am in not learning the language. To put the blame solely in my dad’s shoulder will relieve me from feeling guilty, but, the oversight is equally mine. Another grief in my life is I will not be able to teach my children the language of my father and grandfather speak so fluently. The most precious heritance is lost. Or, ehm, maybe, if I choose to marry a javarian man, it will solve the dilemma.

What am I rambling about?

Owh, get back to the main theme for right now, puzzle II. I have met, so far, in The UK, two most angelic and innocent faces that made us (the muslims) felt at ease in instant. Or in Malay words; sedap mata memandang. Sejuk hati memandang. I don’t know why, but when I look at those faces, I think, not only my heart, but my friends’ hearts as well, will feel love, likeness, pity, mercy…and I don’t know, simply … like there is a nur in their faces. To use more intimate terms : we fall in love instantly with them. Take it figuratively aii my dear readers, not literary.

Jatuh kasih hanya dengan sekali pandang. Melimpah-limpah kebaikan yang datang dari cahaya matanya. Mendengar mereka bercakap sahaja sudah menenangkan jiwa. Bahasa kalbu yang diintepretasikan dan dijelmakan melalui bahasa tubuh. Suara yang mendamaikan.

And why do we feel like that to non-muslims? It is a mystery for me, and to my other friends. And believe me, I pray for them. I pray for them that they will come back to their original nature. Kembali ke asal.

Puzzle.

And I certainly hope and pray that some people will feel like that when they see me. And they will think of beautiful and wonderful things. Splendid, glorious and magnificent things. And marvel at the miracles. And remind them of kindness and benevolence, compassion and empathy.

But first, I need to know what is the secret of having that kind of faces, that invokes the greater feelings in humans, that stirs up the emotions that we don’t even know it exists.

Beside puzzle, I feel envy.

OLD WRITING PART 1

Salam

May you be blessed, in every way, every sense, every day.

The kangen series is killing me. I long to write about the real kangen, but of course I won’t permit myself, it feels like announcing to the whole world, that I’ve revealed the most intimate thoughts, and it always makes me feel naked, bare my soul to the strangers.

Kangen.

But it is fun writing it outloud. Taking it literary, make fun of it, throw it to the street. Rambling. Stray to the unknown path. Go off on the tangent. I like that sometimes. It is like the child in me wants to go out and plays. And like my friends used to say, I can be a playful, naughty child sometimes. Teasing strangers by bombarding them plenty of irrelevant questions regarding to their life, jobs and if I dare, their feelings towards some current issues. Curiosity, remember? Tell me, which child hasn’t been blessed with it?

But, as I said, I am long for, so long, to write the serious issues. I’m yearning for being a true writer, reflecting the world concerns particularly. Poverty. Education. Crimes. Wars. Tradition. Income inequality. All of those matters, at least in my heart.

But, the day will come when I’ll be a prominent author. Or dare, to be an economist that contributes significant and vital inputs to the world. The day will come when I sit down with the leading, outstanding policy-makers, discussing the real issues faced by the greater communities. Develop a more constructive society.

My voice will be heard.

Kangen.

But in the mean time, let’s go of ourselves and have fun! Watch the sunset and sunrise, run and try to catch a rainbow, and frolic with the hare, rabbits, squirrels and ducks. Tease the laughing wind lady and giggle under the pouring baby-rains. Smile at the blue sky, join the lightness of being a cloud. Listening to the seagulls like my new friend does. Or me, kangen as always to enjoy the great birds’ chirpings, wondering what are the new gossips in the bird realms?

Dare to join me?

RAINBOWS

Bismillah hir-Rahman nir-Rahim,

Assalamualaikum,

Allahumma Solli A'la Saiyidna Muhamad, Waa'la aa'li Saiyidna Muhammad.

1

For the past 10 days, I was living with the cross-referencing. It's my fault, I take it for granted that we are using the Harvard-referencing system, means the pages cited must be included. Thus, I breathe, dream, eat, drink, cook and take a shower with it. It isn't nice as I expected, but yeah, one should live and learn.

2

I dreamt about a rainbow last nights. We were in the cabin somewhere in a cold mountain, covered with a blanket of snow. Suddenly the rainbow showed herself, and I was running towards her with the camera, ready to capture its beauty and radiance. Alas, it was only a quater rainbow, the other quater was hidden by the greenish fir fortress. It was at dusk, and did I cry because it disappeared after that? I can't remember.

Then I woke up, puzzle with the dream. Drawing the curtains, voila! The Northern Star is smiling brightly at me. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, even I recite it a million time, I'm still unable to truly worship His Most Kind.

3

When we were small, we lived with a simple food, consisted of soup, and tomyam, and masak lemak chili padi, all were watery. Mum isn't the greatest chef, yet I prefer her cooking a million time over than eating out. Dad, on the other hand, likes to eat new food everyday, trying food that I wouldn't have a courage to taste, and consequently we eat out a lot in the evenings. Sometimes I think, he didn't just want to eat, he just wanted to spend times with us, we who are always drifting away from home. We will have mee goreng mamak, laksa, mee bandung, roti tempayan, satey, aper tuh tak ingat tapi macam pasembor, anything that fancied him.

Yeah, I still think that I make a mistake by majoring in Economy. Should be in food industry then. I couldn't produce something with my own hands, unlike the majority of you out there.

Maybe it'll change one day.

BLOOD ORANGE

Taken from: Here

When I'm shivering, feel like vomiting, generally unease and unwell, it only means one thing. I need to eat rice. Take care. Have a beautiful March then, and February, I'm going to miss you.