WAH, APA INI

Saya baru sahaja membaca buku bertajuk – Migrant Workers in Western Europe and The United States.

Sungguh. Saya sangat bersyukur menjadi warganegara Malaysia. Saya bersyukur mempunyai Negara. Kerana buku itu menceritakan keperitan dan kepedihan hidup sebagai seorang immigrant, merantau jauh ke Negara luar mencari sesuap nasi. Dan cerita-cerita mereka sangat-sangat meruntuhkan hati saya. Atuk, adakah atuk jua pernah dilayan seperti sampah atau anjing? Nauzubillah.

Dan pernahkah saudara-saudari melayan manusia berbangsa asing seperti sampah jua? Pekerja Indonesia? Bangladesh? Filifina? Arab?

Saya ini tidak patut menjadi economist, kerana pada dasarnya, economist harus rational dalam membuat kajian. Tapi, saya jua bersyukur menjadi economist, kerana kalau saya jadi socialist, pasti nya saya extreme socialist. Mungkin jua ditangkap dibawah ISA. Or AUK. Wah. PAstinya ibu bapa saya sangat sangat sedih pabila saya ditangkap. Atau dibuang Negara, walaupun ada pepatah mengatakan hujan emas dinegara orang, hujan batu dinegara sendiri. Mungkin ada liputan antarabangsa mengenai penangkapan saya.

Wah, apa ini?

( I wish I can have that book again, now, to read it without sentiment, without reservation, without judgement. Perhaps I wish I become so mature in handling labour. )

STRANGE DESIRE

There are lots of words that I love, especially miracles. Don’t ever ever stray in believing Allah’s grace.

Today is a rather an emotional day. Even the beautiful day and the shining sun can’t make up the weird feelings bottle up in my mind. Perhaps I’ve eaten too much, thus destroying some neurons in my brains. Or perhaps I’ve slept too much, causing another precious neurons dead. Yeah, I never learn my lessons – don’t over eat, and don’t over sleep.

Yesterday when I was doing my dishes, my new flat mate, Alex was cooking a wild rabbit. Imagine, wild rabbit! Sound real tasty, unfortunately I cant eat it. so..*thinking*..I should catch some wild rabbit and perform the slaughter by myself to be able to eat it, right?

Anyway, he was asking me about the economics crisis, since he assumed I have the authority of giving opinions about it, what he didn’t know is, I couldn’t care less about the heated topic. But as to humour him, I give my two-cents opinion, which I believed didn’t make any sense to him. There are lots of theories and speculations why there is an economics depression. I shudder to go there, I won’t go there. Because my dears, I don’t trust any of the bullshit theories. Because, deep down in the researchers’ hearts, they know they can’t know for sure too. Believe me.

And then, I told him my dream to go to USA instead of UK, and he simply looked at me as I’m a lunatic. He said “ what a strange desire you have”. And proceeded to tell me France is a way much better, or even Canada. And he asked why did I have this strange desire to go to USA?

How could I explain to him? And how could I explain myself? USA represents a challenge to me, intellectual, emotional and mental challenges. And to hear the past experiences from the students who used to study there make me envious. USA, is not what you hear, is not what you see.

But the words stuck me for days - strange desires. It completely throws me out of my senses. Strange desires are normally used to describe a really2 bizarre desire, and in my interpretation, such as gays, lesbians, transsexuals, wars – anything abnormal.

But going to USA to further study is not one of them, right?

(Yeah, my old writing, I wonder, will I be able to write like this ever again?)