I AM NOBODY

Catatan lama - to remind me the most.

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Salam Pembaca yang dimuliakan. Semuga iman menjadi pegangan hari ini. Semuga Allah menjadi segala-galanya untuk anda.

I don’t really like to write in this style (dual languages), but as usual, some emotions are better expressing in different ways.

I used to scold my friends when they said they are …or they were nobody. If they use a present tense, it makes me so angry; I have no ideas why I react like that. If they use a past tense, alhamdulillah then, it shows that they are, on the way to the road of greatness. Even the road is dangerous and makes your heart weary, or your feet blistered, but it is still a journey that changes you from being nobody to somebody.

But when someone, who I believe is a good gentleman/lady, said that s/he is nobody, it compels me to think. It forces me to evaluate my own reactions to the statement. It drives me to the edge of genuine judgments – are we nobody?

In a long way from a library, I think, reason, contemplate, ponder, meditate, mull over, weigh up and reflect that statement. It hurts me in a way that I could never explain. And imagine. And justify. And rationalize.

And just before I enter my own bedroom, I decide, I’m somebody.

I’m somebody to my siblings, where they will hunt me for the settlement of the disputes, even I’m a thousands miles away. They seek my advices for everything, albeit I know it is useless. They hold my presence as if I am among them. They use me as their defensive arguments, or as a ground for their decisions.

I am going to teach, thus I have a social obligation and responsibility to the students and to the community, as well as to the society at large. I owe something to the academic world, as well as to the nations (read: nations). To beautify human characters and to ignite human souls. I’m on the way to become somebody, thus, all the money spent for my development of human capital will not be wasted.

I’m a muslim. Thus, I have a commitment to be a true muslim. Dalam alam ruh, saya telah berjanji untuk menjadi seorang muslim, makanya, dengan sedaya upaya saya cuba untuk menjadi seorang muslim; dengan kekuatan saya. I am here, in UK, where the racial hatred is so intense, where the religions’ wars are on the brink, where the kindnesses are no longer a part of a culture. Therefore, as a muslim, I need to show what Islam is all about. And Islam is all about beautiful manners (of course there are more in it, but how am I suppose to explain about Islam because all that they can connect with this religion is the terrorism, Bin Laden and September 11?).

I’m a lady. Perempuan yang dilahirkan dengan sifat-sifat perempuan. Dengan sifat-sifat yang dianugerahkan Ilahi. Dengan kekuatan yang diberi Ilahi. Mahu melangkaui batasan dan garisan dalam kehidupan ini? Belum mampu lagi. Tidak akan mampu rasanya. Sesuai dengan sifat-sifat semulajadi saya, mahu saja menjadi yang terbaik. That’s why I hate feminism, gender confusion, gays, lesbians. Ladies, let’s celebrate being the most glorious creatures on earth, as even the angels in the heaven are envious of us.

Dan, saya manusia. Ciptaan terbaik Tuhan. Saya menggalas tanggungjawap sebagai seorang khalifah, yang ini bumi dan langit pun tidak sanggup untuk memikulnya. Saya ada kekuatan pendengaran, penglihatan,aqal dan hati – antara nikmat terbesar untuk manusia, yang hanya diberi pada manusia.

How could you say that you are nobody?