Sunday, 3 July 2011



Bismillah hir-rahman nir-rahiim.

Allahumma Solli 'Ala Saiyidina Muhamad, wa'ala ali Saiyidina Muhamad.

Was visiting his grave this evening, and I'm afraid I was making a scene.

Would you, please, spend a minute or two, reciting al-fatihah for him? To Haji Marwan Bin Saliman.

Al- Fatihah.

Thank you. It makes me feel so much better.

There are a lot of new graves in the graveyard. Adik told me that death is a normal business, but it is never normal in my life. I saw the blue sky that I loved so much before, where the sun smiled brilliantly and I prayed to Allah swt that all inhabitants of this graveyard are being pardoned for their sins, and to be saved from the punishments and the hellfire, especially my Dad and my Grandma. I prayed really really really hard.

I know I should move on. But I couldn't at this stage. It still hurts like hell. I'm recovering, but the road of recovery is really painful. The death of the loved ones, if you never experience it, you would never understand the depth of the wound. Wound - the word could not even describe what I'm going through.

This ordeal, this ordeal is too great to be told. There is a hole in my heart, heck, my heart is probably bursting into a million dusts. But my friend told me that I have a special attention from Allah swt, by giving me this really really horrific trial, He gives me all the opportunities to repent, and to be closed to him. To be honest, all trials in my short life are really insignificant compare to this.

I wonder, how do you survive?

Friends of my heart - how do you survive this greatest tragedy?

And still standing tall?

Let me know, please. Please.


ASaL said...

survive is a word from God. He will grant you, sometime without we realize about that.

Everytime, heart ache accompany me along the way, I will remember the respected prophets, especially Rasulullah, Nabi Ibrahim, Nabi Musa, Noh, Ismail, Siti Hajar, Maryam, Siti Fatimah, Siti Khadijah, everyone that I know their story by heart. Imagine their trials and tests which are huge and far greater, but yet they remain, in His path.

The Al Mighty.

And to realize that everything that we have is not ours, even our own breath and body. one day we need to return it back. and when that one day come, we need to give it willingly and feel content.

After all, He is the owner of everything.

din said...

Jika ko masih sedih, ingatlah sebenarnya ayah ko sekarang berada di sisi sang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang, dia kini bahagia dan selamat dari keluh kesah dunia. Hidupnya aman dan bebas dari penjara dunia. Kita yg masih hidup ini sebenarnya masih terbelenggu kesibukan dunia dan tersilau dgn isinya yg sementara. Apa nasib kita belum tahu...

al-Fatihah untuk Haji Marwan Bin Saliman.

Aisyah said...



There must be a reason behind what Allah had determined for us. We are all weak, unless if we ask for strength from al-Qawiy (the strongest), and we ask al-Raheem (the most merciful) to take away our pain and grant us happiness.

InsyaAllah, hopefully that we can see the beauty of ALL Allah's decree on us.

Take care Nur,

Aisyah xxxx

Chai Tea said...

K Nur,
Menangis sahaja padaNya.

Muyamer said...

Nur just just you said i survuve kerana Allah
dan bersabar lah kerana ALlah
dan bersabarlah kerana Allah
bukan kita semua pinjaman? apa hak kita? bila yang disayangi terpaksa kita pulangkan?

how do i survive? i survive just like you ask me to do - ayat ayat Allah - al fatihah beribu ribu lemon:) sampai tiap ruang angkasa penuh dengan nya sampai tiap ayat meresap ke dalam jiwa
u ask me to salwat and hadiahkan to them so i recite and i recite
setiap kali pedih itu datang

there will be time when you wont cry that much when you are stronger like me now (but that does not mean that I wont cry once a while - that does not mean i wont lie at night missing them ) it wont go away but you will be stronger with time

hang on there Nur - be strong be strong kita *hugs*

hang on there