'TILL WE MEET AGAIN

And I miss thee. Al-Fatihah. 'Till we meet again. Al- Fatihah.

FIRHOUSE

Salams,

Bismillahirahman nirrahiim,

Allahumma Solli A'la Sayyidina Muhamad, wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhamad.

Firhouse, Dublin arrived on "BLUE TULIP".

I like the name - Firhouse. Such a name. I wonder, a place is nothing without its own sweet history. Will a town be named after me? Not that I want to, but it makes you wonder. Like Teluk Intan is named after Mak Intan who used to come and reside here.

I wonder about many, many great things.

Like Al-Quran has many names as well. How's your relationship with Al-Quran?

Before we claim we are pious, knowledgable, good people, let's evaluate our relationship with our own Creator. I was once a very lazy lady. Nah, a very lazy human being, who will place many useless things above all in my list.

I forgot that al-Quran is the first, the foremost book that I need to finish before everything else. Alhamdulillah, I realise this before I see Him. That's why I love Brother Nouman's speeches that urge people to go back to the most basic thing in Muslim life besides solah - which is the al-Quran.

We have many hours to be spent in looking for and reading journals, watching anime, dramas and movies, gossiping and backbiting - yet we won't spend even a 5 minutes in reciting al-Quran, let alone memorizing it.

I'm truly ashamed of myself, my Lord. I beg your pardon, please forgive me, and us, and guide us to your True Path.

PEDANG

Dalam sembarang waktu dan ruang,

Telah disediakan untukmu,

Medan bagi berperang,

Beranikah engkau menghunus pedang?

Cinta Dalam Gelas - Andrea Hirata.

SHAMELESS

Assalamualaikum,

Bismillahirrahman nirrahiim,

Allahuma Solli 'Ala Sayyidina Muhamad, wa'ala Ali Sayyidna Muhamad,

How shameless I am for my past entry. I went a little bit crazy yesterday, and pour my heart out in my entry.

Nevertheless, I am thankful, and grateful to Allah the Most Excessively, Especially Merciful, Ar-Rahman nir-Rahiim, The Utmost Kind, for sending me some priceless gifts, or rezk, or rahmah, through many du'a, and kind words from these special people. People who are really understand what I am going through, who have lost more than me, but are still standing tall. May Allah swt bless them with the best rezk, with the strongest protection, with the most beautiful life.

Ermayum - who has lost both of her parents. Enno - who has lost her mum. Asal - who has lost her father, her only sister, and her nephew. Aishah - who has lost her mum. And Din - who is currently facing many trials and tribulations.

And you - the strongest among us.

I want to share you some serious matters. I seldom fall in love, but when I fall, I fall hard.

I have fallen in love with this man. This beautiful man, who I bet, has many many admires which haven't hesitate to offer themselves to him. Including me, if I have a chance. (Offer means - marriage).

This man's name is Nouman Ali Khan.

Listen to one of his speeches, and you will understand why many ladies will fall for him. The thing that I really really love about him is his urges for us to go back to Al-Quran. Perfecting our solat by improving our relationship with Al-Quran. Everything he says is always concerning about Al-Quran. The words of Allah swt. To learn ancient arabic so we can really understand this brilliant kitab. To wonder at these magnificent kalam, and implement it in our lives, insyaAllah.

You know what? My weakest ability is listening. I'm not a good listener, but I will strive hard to be a good one insyaAllah. I can't listen clearly, either in Malay, my mother-tongue language, or English, the language that I am forced to excel. Nevertheless, I can listen clearly, word by word, uttered by this man. MasyaAllah. SubhanAllah. How great is it? Sometimes I wonder about the Majestic Allah swt, who bestows me this nikmat.

I envy him, in many aspects, and insyaAllah, I also want to be like him, encouraging people to not lose hope in Allah swt's mercy and love and rahmah. Please pray for me. You can visit him through these sites: Muslimmatters, Halaltube, and many sessions in youtube.

In the meantime, take care. And like Ayza Gursoy prays for me, I pray for you guys -Allah'a emanet olun - Saya amanahkan anda kepada Allah.

Salam kasih.

PLEASE

Salams,

Bismillah hir-rahman nir-rahiim.

Allahumma Solli 'Ala Saiyidina Muhamad, wa'ala ali Saiyidina Muhamad.

Was visiting his grave this evening, and I'm afraid I was making a scene.

Would you, please, spend a minute or two, reciting al-fatihah for him? To Haji Marwan Bin Saliman.

Al- Fatihah.

Thank you. It makes me feel so much better.

There are a lot of new graves in the graveyard. Adik told me that death is a normal business, but it is never normal in my life. I saw the blue sky that I loved so much before, where the sun smiled brilliantly and I prayed to Allah swt that all inhabitants of this graveyard are being pardoned for their sins, and to be saved from the punishments and the hellfire, especially my Dad and my Grandma. I prayed really really really hard.

I know I should move on. But I couldn't at this stage. It still hurts like hell. I'm recovering, but the road of recovery is really painful. The death of the loved ones, if you never experience it, you would never understand the depth of the wound. Wound - the word could not even describe what I'm going through.

This ordeal, this ordeal is too great to be told. There is a hole in my heart, heck, my heart is probably bursting into a million dusts. But my friend told me that I have a special attention from Allah swt, by giving me this really really horrific trial, He gives me all the opportunities to repent, and to be closed to him. To be honest, all trials in my short life are really insignificant compare to this.

I wonder, how do you survive?

Friends of my heart - how do you survive this greatest tragedy?

And still standing tall?

Let me know, please. Please.

DISAMPUK RINDU

Salams,

Terdengar pintu dibuka, dengan bunyi kunci dipusing.

Dalam hati - eh Abah dah balik dari surau.

Tiba-tiba tersedar - he's not here anymore.

Menangis.

I want to see him, for the last time. To talk to him. To laugh with him. To tease him. To walk with him. To have a dinner together. Just one last time.

CATATAN ABAH - DAY 7 GOING TO SPAIN

Salams,

Bismillah hir-Rahman nir-Rahiim,

Allahuma Solli 'Ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa'ali Sayyidina Muhammad.

Semoga kalian tetap berada di jalan-Nya. Mintalah pada-Nya, iman yang sebenarnya, hati yang khusyu', ilmu yang berguna, keyakinan yang benar-benar mantap.

Disini saya persembahkan kepada kalian tentang catatan Arwah Abah pada hari ke 7.

_________________________________________________________

DAY 7 4/5/09 Isnin

3.30 pagi

Bangun solat subuh. Hari ini cuti umum "Bank Holiday"

5.00 pagi

Makan roti prata (roti canai) yang dibeli di Durham, made in Malaysia. Tido lagi.

10.30 pagi

Makan nasi. Bersiap-siap nak bertolak ke Newcastle airport untuk fly ke Spain.

1.04 petang

Solat Zohor.

1.15 petang

Naik kereta bertolak ke Airport Newcastle. Terus check-in masuk dua beg bagasi.

3.15 petang

Masuk untuk fly - 2 botol syampoo dan sabun mandi di rampas.

3.35 petang

Masuk ke pintu gate

3.55 petang

Fly to Malaga Airport. Order teh untuk minum di udara, harga 2 pound.

6.45 petang

Sampai di Malaga. En. Khairul dan 3 lagi peserta tunggu di kenderaan. Menuju rumah penginapan. Singgah dahulu di Mall, makan kebab di Mall. +- 1 jam. Kebab halal.

Sambung perjalanan sampai rumah penginapan. En. Khairul memandu kereta dengan 6 peserta. En. Khairul masak untuk makan malam. Jam 10 + malam makan malam.

Dengan Mem sebilik, akak tido bilik lain dengan pensyarah UPM yang baru habis dapat PhD dari Cardiff University, UK.

Nama penginapan dan alamat:

Ville Ellen-Maria.

Calle marbella 1219,

Pinos de Alhaurin

Alhaurin de la Torre

29130 Spain.

Kos perbelelanjaan: 3 orang = 1230 pounds. 1230 pound * 5.35 = RM6568.20. Seorang RM 2189.40.

Komentar -

Wah, he's an accountant too! They, both of my parents, cant shake the habit of converting pound/euro to ringgit malaysia, which is scary. You won't eat or buy things out of fear of wasting money. I teach them to just enjoy it, money won't be a problem (ceh, cakap macam orang kaya).

Today is a tiring day, a day journey is always tiring. Alhamdulillah both of them are healthy at this time. I haven't realise this rezk and nikmat until now, silly me. Alhamdulillah, ya Allah swt. Alhamdulillah.

I am contemplating of visiting his grave today. I still feel this is unreal, he is there, out there, somewhere. Imagine the feeling of an orphan, or worse, the child from a broken family, where his/her father is gone, without knowing where they are.

Huh.

I miss him. Abah, I miss you, very very very much. Al-fatihah to Haji Marwan Bin Saliman/ Binti Gemi.