Thursday, 8 September 2011



Bismillah hir-Rahman nir-Rahiim,

Allahumma Solli 'Ala Saidina Muhamad, wa'ala a'li Saidina Muhamad.

Pembaca yang dimuliakan, ada yang ku cintai sesungguh hati, ada yang ku rindu bagai separuh mati, ada yang ku ingat separuh sedar, ada yang ngga mahu ku ingat, tetapi tetap menjelma dibawah pemikiranku - tetapi semuanya berada di dalam doaku. Moga-moga kita berada dibawah lembayung Rahmat-Nya yang tiada taranya.

I was out yesterday to buy a gift for my SV. Actually, I was thinking of buying something nice in Ireland and give it to him, but as I present him with my thesis in the afternoon, I feel quite ashamed for not giving him anything apart from the thesis. Yes, I was taught to always give something to your teachers. He suggested to me for lunch the day after. Thus, I was roaming the city and raking my brains of what suitable gift for him. He, one of the greatest men alive.

I thought of giving him a diary, alas, all the diaries look so girly and unprofessional. Then, voila! He loves orchids, just like Dad, and I want to go to TESCO EXTRA to buy it for him. Having decide that, I walk happily to the market place to just doing a window shopping - and would you believe it that a group of men singing for a song for me! Damn. I hate it when I receive an unwanted attention.

In TESCO, I bought a White Orchid, as well as a bouquet of roses flowers. Ah, it's really beautiful! Should I buy it for him, or for myself? It's a combination of a red, yellow and orange roses. If there were tulips, I won't be hesitated to buy it. Alas, tulips are meant for Spring.

And today we have an excellent lunch at the Durham Botanical Garden. I only step my feet once in the garden, it was during the late summer in 2008. I love parks more, I guess. During the lunch, he commands me to modify the essays following the journals base. Having done so much works, to summarize it wouldn't be a problem insyaAllah. I told him that I want to learn more, especially on the econometric. You know, once you have master the methodology, the research becomes so much easier. Trust me. He still remember that I run away from Essex University. Yes, Essex Univ is one of the top universities, and it is tough as hell. I couldn't do it, the theoretical mathematical-based, it really humiliates me to the core, yet Allah swt sends me to my current SV. Takdir itu, sangat indah bukan?

I guess this will be my last time to see him, unless I come for the winter congregation.

He is, again, one of the kindest men I've ever met. You won't believe it how kind he is to me, especially during my most difficult time in life - the death of my father. Of course we have disagreements, we are both academics after all. Nevertheless, at the end, I am always wrong, due to my less knowledge and experiences.

My doa for him is - for him to have the most beautiful life in the world and hereafter, as well as to be granted a Jannah. That's my doa for him. Always.

After lunch, I go to the city for praying and to buy some souvenirs. At the central of the city, I am mesmerized by the violin played a musician. It is really a sad song - I couldn't stand it, nevertheless I'm drawn towards it. It gravitates me, drown me in its grief, yet it gives me hope.

Hope, we simply couldn't live without it.

”Dan orang-orang yang datang sesudah mereka (Muhajirin dan Anshar), mereka berdoa : ”Ya Tuhan kami, beri ampunlah kami dan saudara-saudara kami yang telah beriman lebih dahulu dari kami, dan janganlah Engkau membiarkan kedengkian dalam hati kami terhadap orang-orang yang beriman. Ya Tuhan kami, sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Penyantun lagi Maha Penyanyang”. (QS Al-Hasyr : 10)