Sunday, 3 July 2011



Bismillah hir-rahman nir-rahiim.

Allahumma Solli 'Ala Saiyidina Muhamad, wa'ala ali Saiyidina Muhamad.

Was visiting his grave this evening, and I'm afraid I was making a scene.

Would you, please, spend a minute or two, reciting al-fatihah for him? To Haji Marwan Bin Saliman.

Al- Fatihah.

Thank you. It makes me feel so much better.

There are a lot of new graves in the graveyard. Adik told me that death is a normal business, but it is never normal in my life. I saw the blue sky that I loved so much before, where the sun smiled brilliantly and I prayed to Allah swt that all inhabitants of this graveyard are being pardoned for their sins, and to be saved from the punishments and the hellfire, especially my Dad and my Grandma. I prayed really really really hard.

I know I should move on. But I couldn't at this stage. It still hurts like hell. I'm recovering, but the road of recovery is really painful. The death of the loved ones, if you never experience it, you would never understand the depth of the wound. Wound - the word could not even describe what I'm going through.

This ordeal, this ordeal is too great to be told. There is a hole in my heart, heck, my heart is probably bursting into a million dusts. But my friend told me that I have a special attention from Allah swt, by giving me this really really horrific trial, He gives me all the opportunities to repent, and to be closed to him. To be honest, all trials in my short life are really insignificant compare to this.

I wonder, how do you survive?

Friends of my heart - how do you survive this greatest tragedy?

And still standing tall?

Let me know, please. Please.