Tuesday, 1 March 2011



Apa kene nya hari ini. Mahu menulis sahaja. Penat rasanya mentelaah labour market. Walaupun ku tahu aku belum lagi memasuki fasa yang paling mencabar dalam hidup ku lagi.

This is an entry that will be written in two languages, because there is a certain time that I’m better expressing myself in other language. To write in Chinese or Arabic is out of question. I just know few words, unlike my friend. And the other one knows German, sometimes, she will speak in German and we will have a laugh after that. I miss her. I miss them.

To write in jawa language is also out of question. How regret I am in not learning the language. To put the blame solely in my dad’s shoulder will relieve me from feeling guilty, but, the oversight is equally mine. Another grief in my life is I will not be able to teach my children the language of my father and grandfather speak so fluently. The most precious heritance is lost. Or, ehm, maybe, if I choose to marry a javarian man, it will solve the dilemma.

What am I rambling about?

Owh, get back to the main theme for right now, puzzle II. I have met, so far, in The UK, two most angelic and innocent faces that made us (the muslims) felt at ease in instant. Or in Malay words; sedap mata memandang. Sejuk hati memandang. I don’t know why, but when I look at those faces, I think, not only my heart, but my friends’ hearts as well, will feel love, likeness, pity, mercy…and I don’t know, simply … like there is a nur in their faces. To use more intimate terms : we fall in love instantly with them. Take it figuratively aii my dear readers, not literary.

Jatuh kasih hanya dengan sekali pandang. Melimpah-limpah kebaikan yang datang dari cahaya matanya. Mendengar mereka bercakap sahaja sudah menenangkan jiwa. Bahasa kalbu yang diintepretasikan dan dijelmakan melalui bahasa tubuh. Suara yang mendamaikan.

And why do we feel like that to non-muslims? It is a mystery for me, and to my other friends. And believe me, I pray for them. I pray for them that they will come back to their original nature. Kembali ke asal.


And I certainly hope and pray that some people will feel like that when they see me. And they will think of beautiful and wonderful things. Splendid, glorious and magnificent things. And marvel at the miracles. And remind them of kindness and benevolence, compassion and empathy.

But first, I need to know what is the secret of having that kind of faces, that invokes the greater feelings in humans, that stirs up the emotions that we don’t even know it exists.

Beside puzzle, I feel envy.

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