OLD WRITING PART 2

PUZZLE II

Apa kene nya hari ini. Mahu menulis sahaja. Penat rasanya mentelaah labour market. Walaupun ku tahu aku belum lagi memasuki fasa yang paling mencabar dalam hidup ku lagi.

This is an entry that will be written in two languages, because there is a certain time that I’m better expressing myself in other language. To write in Chinese or Arabic is out of question. I just know few words, unlike my friend. And the other one knows German, sometimes, she will speak in German and we will have a laugh after that. I miss her. I miss them.

To write in jawa language is also out of question. How regret I am in not learning the language. To put the blame solely in my dad’s shoulder will relieve me from feeling guilty, but, the oversight is equally mine. Another grief in my life is I will not be able to teach my children the language of my father and grandfather speak so fluently. The most precious heritance is lost. Or, ehm, maybe, if I choose to marry a javarian man, it will solve the dilemma.

What am I rambling about?

Owh, get back to the main theme for right now, puzzle II. I have met, so far, in The UK, two most angelic and innocent faces that made us (the muslims) felt at ease in instant. Or in Malay words; sedap mata memandang. Sejuk hati memandang. I don’t know why, but when I look at those faces, I think, not only my heart, but my friends’ hearts as well, will feel love, likeness, pity, mercy…and I don’t know, simply … like there is a nur in their faces. To use more intimate terms : we fall in love instantly with them. Take it figuratively aii my dear readers, not literary.

Jatuh kasih hanya dengan sekali pandang. Melimpah-limpah kebaikan yang datang dari cahaya matanya. Mendengar mereka bercakap sahaja sudah menenangkan jiwa. Bahasa kalbu yang diintepretasikan dan dijelmakan melalui bahasa tubuh. Suara yang mendamaikan.

And why do we feel like that to non-muslims? It is a mystery for me, and to my other friends. And believe me, I pray for them. I pray for them that they will come back to their original nature. Kembali ke asal.

Puzzle.

And I certainly hope and pray that some people will feel like that when they see me. And they will think of beautiful and wonderful things. Splendid, glorious and magnificent things. And marvel at the miracles. And remind them of kindness and benevolence, compassion and empathy.

But first, I need to know what is the secret of having that kind of faces, that invokes the greater feelings in humans, that stirs up the emotions that we don’t even know it exists.

Beside puzzle, I feel envy.

OLD WRITING PART 1

Salam

May you be blessed, in every way, every sense, every day.

The kangen series is killing me. I long to write about the real kangen, but of course I won’t permit myself, it feels like announcing to the whole world, that I’ve revealed the most intimate thoughts, and it always makes me feel naked, bare my soul to the strangers.

Kangen.

But it is fun writing it outloud. Taking it literary, make fun of it, throw it to the street. Rambling. Stray to the unknown path. Go off on the tangent. I like that sometimes. It is like the child in me wants to go out and plays. And like my friends used to say, I can be a playful, naughty child sometimes. Teasing strangers by bombarding them plenty of irrelevant questions regarding to their life, jobs and if I dare, their feelings towards some current issues. Curiosity, remember? Tell me, which child hasn’t been blessed with it?

But, as I said, I am long for, so long, to write the serious issues. I’m yearning for being a true writer, reflecting the world concerns particularly. Poverty. Education. Crimes. Wars. Tradition. Income inequality. All of those matters, at least in my heart.

But, the day will come when I’ll be a prominent author. Or dare, to be an economist that contributes significant and vital inputs to the world. The day will come when I sit down with the leading, outstanding policy-makers, discussing the real issues faced by the greater communities. Develop a more constructive society.

My voice will be heard.

Kangen.

But in the mean time, let’s go of ourselves and have fun! Watch the sunset and sunrise, run and try to catch a rainbow, and frolic with the hare, rabbits, squirrels and ducks. Tease the laughing wind lady and giggle under the pouring baby-rains. Smile at the blue sky, join the lightness of being a cloud. Listening to the seagulls like my new friend does. Or me, kangen as always to enjoy the great birds’ chirpings, wondering what are the new gossips in the bird realms?

Dare to join me?

RAINBOWS

Bismillah hir-Rahman nir-Rahim,

Assalamualaikum,

Allahumma Solli A'la Saiyidna Muhamad, Waa'la aa'li Saiyidna Muhammad.

1

For the past 10 days, I was living with the cross-referencing. It's my fault, I take it for granted that we are using the Harvard-referencing system, means the pages cited must be included. Thus, I breathe, dream, eat, drink, cook and take a shower with it. It isn't nice as I expected, but yeah, one should live and learn.

2

I dreamt about a rainbow last nights. We were in the cabin somewhere in a cold mountain, covered with a blanket of snow. Suddenly the rainbow showed herself, and I was running towards her with the camera, ready to capture its beauty and radiance. Alas, it was only a quater rainbow, the other quater was hidden by the greenish fir fortress. It was at dusk, and did I cry because it disappeared after that? I can't remember.

Then I woke up, puzzle with the dream. Drawing the curtains, voila! The Northern Star is smiling brightly at me. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, even I recite it a million time, I'm still unable to truly worship His Most Kind.

3

When we were small, we lived with a simple food, consisted of soup, and tomyam, and masak lemak chili padi, all were watery. Mum isn't the greatest chef, yet I prefer her cooking a million time over than eating out. Dad, on the other hand, likes to eat new food everyday, trying food that I wouldn't have a courage to taste, and consequently we eat out a lot in the evenings. Sometimes I think, he didn't just want to eat, he just wanted to spend times with us, we who are always drifting away from home. We will have mee goreng mamak, laksa, mee bandung, roti tempayan, satey, aper tuh tak ingat tapi macam pasembor, anything that fancied him.

Yeah, I still think that I make a mistake by majoring in Economy. Should be in food industry then. I couldn't produce something with my own hands, unlike the majority of you out there.

Maybe it'll change one day.

BLOOD ORANGE

Taken from: Here

When I'm shivering, feel like vomiting, generally unease and unwell, it only means one thing. I need to eat rice. Take care. Have a beautiful March then, and February, I'm going to miss you.

REVOLUCION

Salams,

1

Bayern Munich has suffered a bitter horrendous 3-1 home defeat against Borussia Dortmund. Eureka! Eat that out, Louis. I would like to think that this is due to his decision of having relegated the legendary Klose to the warm bench. Klose, the second highest goal-scorer in the entire German football history. What goes around, comes around baby.

2

I get the below picture from here. Wow, the more that I look at it, the more determined I am to resolve the problem. No matter what strategy used by the Al-Mighty King and his team, they couldn't win again the pawns, could they? Even though the pawns are generally the least powerful, there are four layers of them, and each and everyone of them will protect each other. There is no way, the knight, or bishops, or rooks, or even the Queen can win this game. The King? He's useless.

THE TORTURED HEART

Salams,

I see the Northern Star. *hugs*. Where have you been in these past weeks, my dear?

1

There are a lot of things that need to be checked, and re-checked thoroughly, again and again. A tiring activity, but as it is my responsibility, I could never escape it. Sometimes I was thinking about leaving everything behind and boarding to Amsterdam. To look at the canals again, and to bury my face in the sweet scents of tulips. Or to go to Istanbul and kneel in prayer in the Blue Mosque, asking for repentance, mercy and guidance.

2

Owh I am happy if it was perceived as a motivated words, but I am far happier if it is accepted as a reality, and the truth. Aren't we such stuff as dreams are made on? Yes you are, yes you are indeed. Marvelously engineered by the Most Glorious.

3

I've cried a bucket when I read the below sentence:

What stands out the most in all of this is the lack of fear in Allah (swt) by this deranged man, and the complete and full trust in Allah (swt) by the Libyan people standing up to injustice. I was reminded of the story of the Battle of Badr where the Muslim army was unprepared and lacked in numbers against their enemy. In the end, the people who are on the side of Allah (swt) will, insyaAllah, prevail.

How could Ghadaffi kill his own people? It doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense at all.

4

And I cry a thousand times over when I read the post about Nabi Muhammad saw by Cahaya Mukmin, the excerpt is:

Dia adalah rohnya malaikat dan tubuhnya manusia.

I doubt that I'll be in the same Jannah with him, after all, he'll be in the highest level of Jannah, while my fate is still unknown. But I will tray, I shall try, I must try my best to be among the ikhwan, after all, Allah swt has only asked our best, hasn't He?

5

the picture that has made my day! Owh I forgot which blog that I've snatched it from, forgive me Ma'am. I love the fat dove. The fat puyoh . The fat kitten. The fat chick. The fat duckling. Anything that is wholly and lovely and hug-able.

GLORIOUS

Salams,

While waiting for the majestic sun to rest, the rains decide to fall happily from the red-cum- golden clouds.

SubhanAllah. Glorious.

Cinta dari langit yang tidak pernah putus-putus turun, dan apakah kau sudah berputus asa dalam mengejarnya? Jangan begini kawan. Jangan. Sekalipun lelah, tetaplah langkah mu, kerana dalam kelemahan-kelemahan kita, Dia Maha Tahu.

Must dash!

Love, Always.